Thirty-Five Things I Learned From the 2017 WWE Royal Rumble by Brandon Lasher

Welcome to my latest analysis of a WWE PPV. It is time for my favorite PPV of the year, the Royal Rumble. I even have a tradition with my friends that I will eat a bar of soap if my “picked” wrestler pulls off the amazing Rumble win. I felt pretty safe that Xavier Woods would not win the match and wasn’t disappointed. Sorry Xavier.

It was a long night but a fun night. It had some quality title matches, set up some future WrestleMania moments and divided the audience with its interesting Rumble winner. Here are the things I learned from the interesting night from the Alamodome.

Thirty-Five Things I Learned From WWE Royal Rumble 2017

1.) Judging by the length of the ramp, it will take the entire time to simply get down to the ring.

2.) I feel really sorry for the WWE employee that adds up all those times for the Rumble facts. What would you think if your job was to add up the seconds Triple H has been in the Royal Rumble match? What a life!

3.) I feel sorry for the Smackdown women’s division. It has been the stronger of the two divisions by far but it is the one relegated to the kickoff show. It is not just on the kickoff show but also the very first match when virtually no one was in the arena yet.

4.) Naomi won? It really is a new year isn’t it? I learned that anything is possible if we see any sort of title feud involving her after all these many years.

5.) I learned every match should have two referees. I mean clearly one is going to get knocked out so always have a spare one.

6.) It seems a bit of a waste to have Gallows & Anderson win the tag title on a Kickoff show. I doubt most casual fans are watching thus eliminating the good moment.

7.) I learned I am quite bored by squash matches at pay-per-views. Yes, it helps build Nia Jax. I also know Sasha is “injured” so it doesn’t hurt her much either. That doesn’t mean I need to see it in a six-hour event.

8.) Is there a better heel on the roster then Charlotte? Other then maybe The Miz she seems to be the only heel to get that you are supposed to actually get booed. I loved her mocking the crowd as she beat up Bayley.

9.) Why are we having so many wrestlers getting bloody mouths recently? The wrestlers know they aren’t supposed to actually hit each other right?

10.) I am hoping that the WWE figures out some day that Roman should be a heel. He nearly got booed out of the building before the Universal Title match. With the huge quality of matches he has had it is a shame his booking is always so terrible.

11.) I learned the WWE is really dumb with their stipulations. If you don’t want people to infer why have a No-DQ match? It seemed a recipe for disaster that it turned out to be.

12.) Is Kevin Owens insane? I mean he seriously did a lot of crazy bumps in this match. A frog splash through a table, falling through a tower of chairs and being thrown through an announce table. It was impressive but I worry about his long-term health after matches like this.

13.) You know your booking is terrible when the crowd cheers the interference by Braun Strowman. I don’t know why the crowd is cheering. It just means we have to see a Reigns-Strowman match soon. Joy.

14.) I am pretty confident that KFC commercial is implying Enzo is going to have sex with that chicken. And I thought the Miz/Ziggler commercial was disturbing.

15.) It is good to know an upside down 8 is still an 8.

16.) I think it was really good to have a lengthy video package before the Swann-Neville match. 205 Live is becoming really solid but I doubt most of the people in the crowd are watching it on a regular basis.

17.) It is a shame the Cruiserweights are so under-appreciated that the crowd doesn’t care about the cool things Rich Swann is doing. Maybe with the better-recognized Neville as champ he can help with this problem going forward.

18.) Why is it I have seen multiple matches between Cena and Styles but I am still excited to see it over and over again?

19.) I learned that an AJ Styles match would never bore me. The match went over 25 minutes and the pace was never slowed. I can usually lose focus for a match like this, especially in the beginning, but I was never bored. I even watched it with my family who isn’t quite the fan I am and they got into the false finishes. I can’t say I am excited about a brief Cena title reign, but you cannot say his matches have been bad in the last few years.

20.) Mick Foley is one of my all-time favorite wrestlers. However, I would rather be beaten by a folding chair then watch that “Holy Foley” show.

21.) They have two minutes entrances in the Rumble match? I guess this will take a while.

22.) I wonder if Big Cass’ intro is longer then his time actually in the match?

23.) Chris Jericho lasted a long time in that Rumble. Granted a vast majority of it he was taking a good nap on the ground. I wonder why more wrestlers don’t do that?

24.) I am not really happy when my “surprise” wrestlers are people like Kalisto and Mark Henry.

25.) If Jack Gallagher had flown away like Mary Poppins I would have marked out.

26.) It is good to know the obvious can still be fun. Tye Dillinger at ten was perfect in everybway. I just wished this popular guy would win more.

27.) That was the perfect use of Ellsworth. The throwing of Ellsworth by Strowman should be an annual tradition.

28.) I wasn’t as impressed by this year’s cool Kingston spot. Maybe he has raised the bar too high?

29.) Is there a more pointless/fun move than the Cesaro Swing?

30.) Seems a bit unfair with Lesnar, Goldberg and Undertaker getting the last five spots. It is almost like putting these part-timers at the end is predetermined!

31.) I learned that Brock really hates Enzo Amore. They seem like two people that wouldn’t get along in really life.

32.) Wow, Goldberg really has Lesnar’s number. Who know it was the semi-retired 50 year old that could have stopped Brock when he was running over the roster a few years ago?

33.) I know it wouldn’t be a great match, but I am a bit surprised we never got a Goldberg-Undertaker match. Seems a waste.

34.) Roman Reigns is at #30? It is like they want us to hate him. And finally that might be the plan. I mean, why else have Roman eliminate the Undertaker?

35.) If you had Randy Orton winning the Rumble in your pool before today, you are likely lying.


Final Thoughts

This was a good but not great Rumble. I think we were missing some fun surprises that would have helped the match itself. It did what it needed to do. The two title matches delivered. I see some interesting scenarios on the “Road to WrestleMania.”


Feel free to contact me at lasher@pacificu.edu. Additionally, I have my Twitter account, WWEBNRL as well. I would love to hear your thoughts on Royal Rumble. Are you satisfied with this year’s Rumble?